Prayers Without Words

Recently I came across this song by Craig Courtney. It's absolutely beautiful.

My words lie still and lifeless as dust upon the sand,

I can no longer voice one request or demand,

My cup of tears is empty, I can no longer cry,

My lips have fallen silent, my prayer is but a sigh.

Spirit come and rest Your ear upon my heart,

O come and hear my wordless prayer,

My silent plea and take them far away from me.

Take them from this heart of mine to the Father’s heart divine,

Speak in tones unknown to man that God may hear and understand.

My voice is weak from calling to You both night and day.

How long will You be silent? Why do You turn away?

Spirit, come and rest Your ear upon my heart;

Come and hear my wordless prayer,

my silent plea and take them far away from me.

Take them from this heart of mine to the Father’s heart divine.

Speak in tones unknown to man that God may hear and understand.

My middle brother, Mike, has a cognitive disorder and verbal apraxia. Because of that he didn't talk till he was three. Oh, he could understand what we were saying and could communicate to us through some sign language and gestures, but he couldn't form coherent words for a long time. Because of this, my parents worried that he would think that because we couldn't understand him God wouldn't be able to, either. So my mom would tell him (and us) this verse:

"Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered."(Romans 8:26, KJV)

For those that find it difficult to understand KJV, here's how The Message puts it:

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

This became one of my favorite verses. Sometimes when I'm really distressed and all I can do is just mentally scream it's a HUGE comfort to remember that God still understands exactly what I mean. There are other times when I just have no idea what to say...I pray in emotions and pictures. (Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this!) It's the same. God understands.

Wherein I long for crunchy leaves and fall winds...

This past week I discovered what my favorite kind of music is. To my surprise (kinda), it wasn't rock, pop, new age, dance, or even classical (which I love.) It's Josh Groban. Now, I know he's not necessarily a type of music, but I'm not quite sure exactly what genre he's under.

Have you ever listened to a piece of music and felt a longing for something you couldn't place? And then after a while of thinking it over you realized that it wasn't even something incredibly significant, but it said a lot about you? I have. Whenever I listened to Josh Groban I would have this almost sad feeling. And then I placed it. It's a longing for autumn in the city. For knit cut-off gloves, for long knit scarves, brown hoodies. For leaves that crunch. For the color orange. For sitting in a park and sipping tea or coffee and reading a book or sketching or writing. For falling in love right then and there (with who-knows-who, but still...)

Kinda dumb? Probably. Goes to show how too-romantic I am.

Maybe someday.

My Summer (As a list!)

Things I Did This Summer:

1. Worked two jobs. (Library and Dining Common)
2. Payed for my own tickets to go home.
3. Payed for my own books.
4. Switched my major to Humanities so I can graduate on time.

Things I Learned This Summer:

Job-wise:

1. How to work the Circulation Desk at the library.
2. How to inventory books.
3. Shortcuts around the library.
4. How to wipe tables the DC way.
5. How to clean the DC lobby.
6. How to stock the bathroom cart.
7. Sinks.
8. Traycheck!!
9. That working in the Dining Common can actually be a LOT of fun.

10. How to be in charge (for almost two hours).
11. Slimy, moldy flowers smell much, much worse than whatever else is in that garbage can...
12. It is quite possible to develop a relationship with a vacuum cleaner. I <3 Boba Fett...

Relationship-wise:

1. Hanging out with a bunch of girls is more fun than I ever thought it would be.
2. It's actually possible for me to miss people reallyreally bad! (This honestly surprises me. I didn't think it was possible. Now I feel at least a little human.) :P
3. It's also possible for me to talk to someone ALMOST every day (not quite) without getting completely sick of them. (This also somewhat surprises me, but not as much.)

Other:

1. God provides.
2. Apparently this one guy (who shall remain unnamed to spare him any embarrassment) and I would be cute together.

3. I can cry reallyreally hard without knowing why. (Yeah, I'm weird.)
4. If you on-the-whim decide to go home, make sure than your whiming takes place earlier on in the summer so getting subs for your jobs is easier and less stressful...
5. Also, if you are thinking about taking a class over the summer, do it right away instead of the month before school starts. You'll never finish if you wait till then.
6. Having texting is definitely an asset.
7. Doctor Who is AMAZING and David Tennant is the BEST.

And there is soooo much more that I just can't think of right now! So I'll probably add a few as I remember. ^_^

Your Long Awaited Update

Man, has this summer flown by! It's already halfway over and it feels like it's barely begun. It probably feels this way because I work a lot. I'm working at both the Dining Common and the library and I'm getting 40 hours a week between them. Not bad, but I'm always doing something. Which really isn't so bad.

That being said, I really haven't done much else besides work this summer, so the interesting things I do stick out. On my birthday a couple weeks ago I went blueberry picking with some friends and then went to my boss's house and hung out there for a while. I still have three cool-whip containers of fresh blueberries in my fridge! This past Saturday I went hiking with Derek and Dezi up at Paris Mountain. That was a lot of fun! I haven't been hiking in a while and I missed it a ton. Yesterday (Sunday), there was no church in the evening so Derek, Dezi and I went to Dezi's aunt's house, ate dinner and watched Tangled,which I had never seen before. That was a fun movie! And then we went to Rita's afterwards.

Today I went to my friend Travis' grandparents' house and hung out with him, his girlfriend Camilla, and Travis' various family members. His grandparents live out at a lake, so it was really pretty. We went out and sat on the dock for a really long time. It was very relaxing. At sunset we went out on the lake in a boat and then after it got dark Travis set off fireworks.

And that's my update for now. ^_^

What-Ifs: A Glimpse Into My Brain

This evening I went out to the daycare’s playground. I like to go there to swing and contemplate life. After a while I decided to try and get into the tunnel. You know those little plastic tubes on most playgrounds? The ones with a few window holes cut out so you could see out? I wanted to see if I still fit. No amount of squeezing, bending or contorting could get me to sit upright, even uncomfortable upright. If you look at me, you would probably describe me as tiny. Overweight, yeah, but tiny. But I’m not tiny enough. So I kinda lay sideways in the tunnel so I could look out the window. The world looks different sideways. The ground is parallel to the lines of your face instead of perpendicular like it should be. It’s really weird. And then I got to thinking…what if that’s how the world was? If gravity suddenly changed and we walked on the walls of this world instead of the ground? What kind of world would this have to be for that to happen? Would it be natural? Unnatural? What would be the cause?

Then, as I walked back to my dorm, I discovered Bob Jones’s nightlife. Cockroaches. As I barely avoided a cluster of the little buggers, I actually glanced back to see if they were following me. And then came another thought. What if someone discovered that they could control cockroaches? Why? How? What for? What kind of world would they be living in for that to happen? For it to be helpful? And then I thought of other what-ifs I’ve thought recently. Like…what if someone somehow found out that they didn’t remember a portion of their life and didn’t even know it?

I think I need to get back to writing…

Welcome To Summer

Aaah, summer! No school, no rules. I'm currently sitting on a beach, completely enjoying my bikini and ability to tan in the beautiful 85 degree weather. My boyfriend is sitting next to me, and we're holding hands. And yes, I did kiss him when I got back home.

And....yes. That was all completely imaginary. (If you fell for that I laugh at you...I wrote it around midnight. =P ) Not only do I not have this hypothetical boyfriend, he would also most likely not be my type. I do not own a bikini and probably never will. And I wouldn't be able to wear one right now even if I wanted to. Cause guess where I am? Haha.

Bob Jones is almost a ghost town during the summer. There are a few summer school students and probably even less summer staff students. Though I could be wrong on that. I'm here for work, of course. I'm on the exclusively female tablewipe crew at the Dining Common (I work the lunch shift from 1-4.30) and I'm also working at the library shelving books, doing inventory (scanning books to make sure they're all there), working in the periodical room, and I'm going to start working at the circulation desk tomorrow morning, bright and early. Thank goodness I have some friends with me...

For those of you who are still desperately looking for me on Twitter, I was horrible and changed my name on you. Again. Sorry.

Anyways, my life is pretty uneventful at the moment. Besides finding this kid I used to know when I was 7. (He doesn't remember me...go figure. lol) And also being locked off campus at almost 11 at night. (Thank God I was with people! Other wise I would've been scared out. of. my. mind.) And being scared by a couple burly hispanic dudes at Starbucks around 9 or 10 another night. And stuff. Hopefully I'll actually post more than once this summer. We'll see. =P

Pour Manger la Pâté

I guess today has just been one of those eat-duck-liver-paste days. And not necessarily in a bad way.

The first eventful thing that happened today was that we tried pâté de foie de canard, which is basically a meat spread. Foie de canard literally means "liver of duck," so it was pretty much a spreadable duck sausage. It wasn't too bad. A little weird, but in an okay way. What was really funny, though, was our teacher didn't even like the stuff! And I think most of my classmates didn't really like it either. Me, I had two saltine crackers of the goop.

Next, I found out that I'm actually doing a lot better in Contemporary Philosophy than I thought I was. Which really isn't saying much, since I thought I either had a D or was failing. Turns out I have a C+ overall, and got a B on my first test. At least I think that's what I got. Our teacher handed out number grades, and I stink at translation. But the guy who sits next to me (his name is Ben) told me that it's a 10-point scale. So I'm pretty sure I did an accurate job. =)

Lastly...I got tagged! =( Here at Bob Jones University, we're having a campus-wide game of Tag. The rules are a little bit different than your normal playground version, but it's much, much cooler. There is no IT, and everybody's after everybody. It's totally awesome. And I got tagged out on my second day. Without tagging my partner. I still haven't even seen him. On the bright side, though, now I can walk around outside without my heart stopping every time someone walks up behind me. I can study in the Gazebo. I can eat lunch in the Snack Shop if I want to. I can swim. I can work out. I could rejoin the game for $5, but I think I'm just going to enjoy this freedom.

So yeah. Like duck liver paste on saltine crackers. Different, but good.

On n'arrête pas d'horloge!

Hey, everybody! Sorry I haven't updated for a while. A lot has happened since I last posted!

1. My family just moved again! We're now living in Ankeny, Iowa. Well, in a couple weeks. All our stuff is up there, but we haven't moved into the house yet. My family came and visited me last week, so that was pretty exciting! I stayed at someone's house over the weekend and visited my cousin Sarah at her school in Boiling Springs, NC.

2. I no longer have any pets. =(

3. Along with my job at the Junior High, I now also work at the library. I shelve books for an hour on Thursdays and I work in the periodical room for two hours on Monday and one hour-an hour and 45 minutes on Friday. And I love it! And also the people I work with. ^_^

4. I have become a recluse. Mostly of my own making. This, however, helps me to focus on school. Which is good. I think.

Anyways, hopefully I'll be able to update a little bit more often. At least I'll try. =)